I hope my daughter isn't a good girl
Even when I'd quite like her to do as she's told...
At 18-months-old my little girl is impetuous, forthright, demanding, independent and sometimes bloody minded. She is capable and loud. Oscillating between cranky and gleeful, shrieking with demands and laughter. She moves with her whole body and rarely eats much but when she does, it’s by the fistful and with vigour, mouthfuls punctuated with “yum yum yum”. She’s in on the joke - a bit of side eye turns into a sly grin, her face alight with cheek and a glorious dose of naughtiness. She is not a good, quiet girl. She is a whole girl. She is herself.
I think the parts that make parenting her so challenging at times, are also the aspects that will make her an arresting, kick arse human. All the bits that can be so frustrating; the outbursts and anger, the hilarity and joy, are the parts that will hold her in fine stead as a woman in an emerging world. Help her take up space and be decisive. Eschew bad behaviour and hold boundaries. She will not enable, or court fools. Her impatience, I hope, means she will ask for what she wants and needs.
I want my children to listen and be respectful, while asking questions. I’d love them to be curiosity led, and not be afraid to question the status quo, or hold authority to a higher account. I hope they can do what they like – be outrageous or quiet thinkers, lead from the front or reflect from the ranks. Lean in or lie down. I hope they can follow their own glimmering trails of charm and interest. I hope they know how to rest when they need to, without permission from anyone else. I hope they like lifting weights. Fruit. Horses. Reading. Cold swims and giant breathfuls of thin air taken from mountain tops. I hope they have Adam’s generosity and profound ability to make things and situations better. It’d be nice if they have my optimism and contentedness with the small things (gardens/coffee/a lovely pair of shoes/a gorgeous notebook).
I really hope they deeply understand that everyone is creative – no matter that school curriculums suggest creativity is narrowly confined to parameters around art or writing. That creativity is found in problem solving and maths equations and coding, interior styling and cooking, or self-expression through clothes and makeup and hair. Creatives farm and fix fences and raise animals and grow crops with what they have and the ingredients at hand – rain/lack of, sunshine/too much, funds/too little. Creativity bubbles to the surface in how you parent and love others. I hope they understand and are proud of their creative hearts.
My fingers are crossed that I can help them understand how they learn best (visually? Auditory? Are you information based, or kinesthetic? Let’s find out!) and then help put it into practise. I hope that when they’re triggered or reactive, they can untangle their socialisation from their sense of self – what has been gifted or unfortunately handed to them by us, their dummy parents just trying their best and probably falling a little bit short. Hopefully they know feelings aren’t facts! And to be able to talk to anyone, but follow their spider sense when someone or something feels off. Get outta there darl. My goal is to know if they’re shit at maths, but hot at tennis, that we find a tennis coach as opposed to a maths tutor. I feel like strengths-based learning pulls confidence along with it, a tufty stray tamed and fed and made fat with attention.
The list
Can confirm, Shark Heart is a miracle. It will break your heart but it’s worth it. So lyrical and lovely, and captures perfectly the particular grief when someone you love is sick and changing before you and then lost.
So enjoyed this conversation with author Coco Mellers on You’re Booked. Wow she’s so articulate. I hope listening to good conversation helps me absorb all the delicious language via osmosis.
I didn’t realise the power of a good cardio sweat - or I probably did, but it’s been so long since I’ve properly sweated from sustained exercise that isn’t yoga/pilates/riding. Adam bought me a second hand Peloton bike for Christmas - i’m obsessed. I just do 20 or 30 minutes and I am SATURATED and the endorphins HAVE ME IN THEIR GRIP. I love it very much. Obviously very expensive but I found mine on Facebook Marketplace for a quarter of the price. Love being able to do it at home while the kids are asleep. I also do weights and pilates on it once or twice a week. You have to do whatever makes exercise easy for you.
when i’m feeling a little bit dumb, my go to is Bri Lee’s excellent Substack full of reviews and cultural zeitgeist. Well worth supporting.
Thanks for your reading, and your support! Hit the heart to let me know you’ve enjoyed it.
Until next time, keep well.
Em xx
Oh this reminds me of my second born, they're an enthralling rollercoaster ride. Your reflection is 100% correct. He's studying to become a viticulturist! Already in the vineyard and cellar he shows creative innovative solutions to long tolerated problems and already imagines how he'd tackle the challenges of 'cropping' wine in our, sometimes unforgiving, land. Firecrackers be celebrated I say.